Let me say, I don’t know of a single case where a family has ever keeled over and expired because of a man doing any of these things. In fact, most of the time, the family probably gets along just fine for years without ever noticing.
Then, occasionally, someone does notice and an alarm will go up, so even distant neighbors pause behind their windows and wonder what sick biohazard stuff dad’s been up to in the garage.
In the interest of domestic tranquility and general hygiene, consider these five tips on kitchen and cooking mistakes you might want to consider breaking.
1. Do Not Taste Food with Your Fingers Now, at first it seems reasonable that those pointed things on the ends of your hands were custom built for the job of dipping into food, to check flavor or doneness. However, its come to my attention that some people think men do not wash their hands nearly enough. Or, they do not know where those hands have been. Therefore, it’s unwise to slip them into the pot or serving dish for sampling. Especially more than once.
2. Do Not Mix Food With Your Hands This makes little sense. A spoon or fork is slow and clumsy when it comes to, say, tossing a salad, unless you want it on the floor. And for blending sugar or spices into food that’s thick as paste? And, are we sure a spoon is really cleaner? I’m willing to bet, you have no idea where it originally came from. Or what somebody did with it before you got it. Even so, some people consider it completely gross when you use the good hands you’ve had your entire life.
3. Do Not Get Food On Your Clothes Somehow, food which is good enough to put into your mouth, is no longer safe if it lands on the outside of your jeans or t-shirt. Once there, it apparently turns instantly foul and repulsive. You can no longer eat it. You need to immediately change, because wearing food below your neck puts some people completely off their appetite. Apparently the only way to avert this disaster is to wear an apron. A food-smacked apron makes folks feel homey. On your t-shirt, the same thing is just stains and grime.
4. Do Not Mix The Wrong Foods Together Many dads don’t realize, certain spices, ingredients and seasonings need to be kept as far from each other as possible. If they ever are put together, the food turns instantly disgusting. I’m told, someone doesn’t even have to taste it, to know its bad. Apparently, everybody (who is not a man) knows this. You just don’t mix certain things together, even if you think it might work. Or because they were the only food items you could find in the refrigerator. That’s a concoction. Decent people don’t eat concoctions. That’s why we have recipes.
5. Do Not Use the Kitchen Sink for Cleaning Dirty things have no place being washed in the kitchen sink. It’s used for washing. That’s just the way it is. If you want to wash hands in the kitchen, go wash them first in the bathroom. Don’t bring that filthy dog in here. Don’t even dare think about doing anything greasy, gummy or grimy in there at all: the sink might get dirty. And then where would we wash up?
Good luck with all this, and take my word, there’s no point going to the mat on a single one. By the way, when I talk about aprons, I’m talking about the kind a man should be comfortable in.
And since I get asked what that means, I decided to come up with a few one of a kind, Dad’s own, like the one’s below, that a guy can be PROUD standing in at the sink or stove. Not your mother’s apron, by a long shot. And, enough with the BBQ already – these are for men who cook in the kitchen, with some attitude. Tshirts, for those who prefer to just wipe the hands. Printed and delivered through Zazzle, a pro place that does high quality work, and ships worldwide. Dad’s In the Kitchen! Gift Shop
Go over and take a look if you’re in the market. I’m told some women find a man in an apron sexy. There are some fun ones, I come up with new ones every week, customizable, plus mugs and other gear. Let me know what you think, or what you’d like to see .