Category Archives: top 10

10 Worst Gifts for Men Who Cook 2011

Trouble waking up in the morning? This Wake And Bake Alarm Griddle is just the thing to get you going. X these off your list.  Now.

Well, here’s your annual warning.  After a little Holiday shopping research I’ve turned up this new crop of presents Dad is hoping will not be making an appearance.  This year’s list of truly terrible gift ideas is a real testament to human ingenuity, or an incredibly bad sense of design.

You can find the entire freshly updated 10 Worst Gifts For Men Who Cook 2011 list and links here, in the Dads’ In the Kitchen! gift advice section.

Some say, it’s not the gift:  it’s the thought that counts.  Well, if you give any of these to a man, I guarantee he will have no idea at all what you were thinking. Maybe you can use one of those little gift tags, to explain.

For example, what message are we trying to send Dad with a log covered in fungus? Or, this year, there’s even a couple of NSFW items, including a cringe making grill tool that involves hot dogs and an anatomically correct stick figure; and an in your face cookbook that’s tasty, hysterically funny, and Martha Stewart lock your door they’re gangsta, all at the same time.

That said, I suppose it’s necessary here to address what’s truly important, the meaning of the holiday. Yes, my review of these and any other products, is for sale.  Just because no one pays me anything at all at the moment for this valuable service, doesn’t mean I’m not available.  Or, willing to accept free samples.  Or, do paid endorsements.

Otherwise, my wife is likely to decide I’m just doing this out of the goodness of my heart, for nothing but a sincere desire to help other dads, and become a popular dad blog some day.  And that just isn’t going to pay for college.

This Holiday, Please Don’t Drink and Dad

40 year old father arrested for driving little Barbie car at 4 MPH drunk.

Don't let this be you.

They’ll drive you to it.

Many men start adulthood – and dating, and married life, and pregnancy, and fatherhood – with a drink, or two.  There’s a connection in there, somewhere.  Anyway, as time goes on, the responsible male head of the family recognizes, there is a time for having a beer, or bottle of vodka, and a time for staying relatively sober.

Especially now, when children’s thoughts turn to sugar plums and expensive electronics,  it’s important to spare them the lifelong embarrassment, shame and terror that can come from being a careless,  tipsy pop.  This Holiday Season, as you’re getting your drink on, I hope you’ll join me and take a moment to see things from your kids’ perspective, with this Top Ten signs they wish we wouldn’t Drink and Dad. 

1.  Holiday music is a special treat for youngsters.  Everyone likes to sing along.  But if you’re doing the third replay of ‘Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer’ and still laughing, why don’t we check the breathalyzer.

2.  ‘Invisible elves’ is probably not going to convince anybody why Daddy is stumbling a lot over things nobody else can see.

3.  Yeah, they’re cute as can be.  But really:  trying for that once-in-a-lifetime shot of the kids hanging like ornaments on the Christmas tree is just not going to fly.  No matter how much the guys at work will really love it.

4.  If you can’t dance, there was absolutely nothing in that last drink that fixed ‘can’t’.

5.  No matter how many pretty colors and shapes it has in it, that giant mixed bowl of cereal is just not going to pass for Christmas dinner.

6.  The following are signs you’re doing online gift shopping after a bit too much Holiday Cheer.  You  (a) buy something your son will grow into and be able to use five or six years from now;  (b) order that drum kit you always wished you’d got for Christmas when you were a kid;  (c) decide it won’t really matter the gift for your wife isn’t going to arrive til January 4.

7.  Hearing the kids and their sleepover friends play ‘guess why Daddy won’t stop laughing / crying by himself in the kitchen’ is probably not the kind of Holiday game you want to encourage.

8. Yes, it really does save time and trouble to just let the little ones run around free for the Holidays without their drawers or diapers on.  For about, oh, two hours.

9.  Yes, it’s four am, and you really did leave that three page note finally getting everything off your chest on the desk in the bedroom your mother in law is using.

10.  It may be a good idea to check first, and see from the kids faces whether they are really as excited as you think to see you in the living room wearing all the Christmas lights.

This Holiday, raise a glass, make a toast, but give the family a time they’ll treasure forever.  Not a viral YouTube video.

(By the way, if you’re an alcoholic, pick up the phone.  Now.  And get help.  Seriously. )